Have you ever had someone get mad at you because you didn’t do something that they were expecting you to do?  But they didn’t tell you what it was.

Happens all the time.

Part of my role as a business/leadership coach is to help people work through conflicts that they are dealing with.  Most of the time, it becomes apparent that one of the two parties didn’t tell the other exactly what was expected.  They assumed that the other person would just figure it out.

Never seems to work.

I even see it with parents parenting their kids.  Johnny doesn’t do what mom and dad wants him to do, so they get mad.  But they never clearly defined what their expectations were.

I see it in marriages.  One partner wants the other to do something but doesn’t tell the other what they want.  Many times this can damage the relationship.

Why do we not do this well?

1. We don’t take the time to tell the other person.
2. We assume that they should already know.
3. We irrationally think that they can read our minds.

I’ve done a full scientific survey . . . No one can read your mind.  In the history of the world, it has never worked, so it’s time to start telling people what you want, how you want to be treated, and what your exact expectations are.

Interesting . . . That seems to work!

Paul said this in 1 Corinthians 2:11,

“For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him?”

Good point Paul!

I’m reading a book that my friend, Duanna Pang-Dokland wrote called “Inspired and Prosperous.”  It’s about what some of the best business and life coaches in the world do.

One of the coaches has been an industry giant for over 30 years.  He was talking about the way he looks at his business and his life.  One of the sentences caught my attention,

“The purpose of my life isn’t to have a full practice; it’s to have a fulfilling life.”

That’s a deep statement and got me thinking . . .

So many people in our culture judge their happiness by the fullness of their bank accounts, or the quality of their careers.  It’s all about results.  Don’t get me wrong.  Both are very helpful in the pursuit of happiness.  But they surely aren’t an end-all.

So what fills you up?

What do you do that when you do it, brings you joy?

I just had lunch with two of my closest friends.  We ate at Ted’s Montana Grill.  (That filled me up!)  While there, I also had the opportunity to run into three other friends who I hadn’t seen in a while.  That was nice.

But it certainly wasn’t the food; it was the company and the conversation with my two friends that made me feel completely full and satisfied with life as I walked out the door.

Right this second I’m sitting in a chair on the back patio.  The birds are singing—it’s a beautiful, sunny day.  I am aware of the spring breeze rustling through the trees.  The grass was just cut and the flowers are in full bloom.  My wife Sandy is working on her laptop right next to me.  We’re in close proximity.  I like that . . .

I’m full!

The thought I want to share with you is this:

“What do YOU do that fills YOU up?”

Grab a pencil and write down four or five things that come to your mind right now.  Keep them handy.

And do them often.

It’s one of the keys to a fulfilling life.

PASS THIS ON TO A FRIEND!

Over the last couple of months, I’ve had the opportunity to work with a large company that is experiencing a myriad of problems in their day-to-day operations.  None of these problems are too big to be resolved, but the sheer number of them felt overwhelming to the company leaders.

We planned a two-day retreat with the senior leadership team.  During the meetings, I had them beak up into three groups.  One of the exercises was to have each group make a list of what they thought the “Elephants” were.  The idea was to have them take 15 to 20 minutes and clearly state what the big problems were that the company was facing.

Each group wrote down four or five very specific issues or challenges.  Then we went from group to group having them name them one at a time.  I wrote each on a flip chart as they called them out.

After about twenty minutes of discussion, we had our list completed.  Obviously, some of the answers had overlapped, and some had been subsets of others.  But we had a good list! 

As we looked at the two sheets, it all started to make sense.  We had named the problems!  What a sense of relief!  Next, we looked at all of them and began to decide in what order they needed to be tackled.  #1, #2, #3, #4, etc.

The good news?  Every problem listed could (and will!) be resolved.  The key was to get clarity on exactly what they were.

So the two steps are these:

1. Clarify what the individual problems are.  (Put them on paper!)
2. Rate in order of importance.  (Don’t go after them all at once.  Focus on one or two.  The other can wait.)

Another important point . . .

These leaders are people with a great deal of ability!  They are very sharp folks.  Why did they not do this themselves?

Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.  They were so close to the problems that they were unable to have the proper perspective.  All of the issues tended to blend together.  It wasn’t a lack of ability—it was lack of clarity and perspective.

Sometimes you just need an outside set of eyes before you can move forward.

Nearly every problem can be broken down into parts, which are more easily managed as parts, than they are as a whole.

How can you use this?